The Princess: Home they Brought her Warrior Dead

Home they brought her warrior dead
she nor swoon'd nor utter'd cry:
all her maidens, watching, said,
"she must weep or she will die."

then they praised him, soft and low,
call'd him worthy to be loved,
truest friend and noblest foe;
yet she neither spoke nor moved.

stole a maiden from her place,
lightly to the warrior stepped,
took the face-cloth from the face;
yet she neither moved nor wept.

rose a nurse of ninety years,
set his child upon her knee--
like summer tempest came her tears--
"sweet my child, I live for thee."

---Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)

Looking ahead 2009

Last years balance sheet is'nt much impressive.Infact i can't boast much about anyting for the past decade.It has'nt been a fulfilling period altogether.But as always i get up, pull myself together with hope which renews my energy for another mile.Looking back there have been many things i wanted but could'nt achieve,many loose ends here and there.Bottom line is that i am unsatisfied with my self.

This time its differrent,i seriously dont feel the will to get up again and say lets do it.I have lost intrest in the aims of life.I have almost abandoned my dreams.I'd rather go with the flow and float with the wind.This year life may take a drastic turn and redefine its meaning.I am taking my day as it come.There is an uncertain future that i am willing to risk at the cost of my own self.

All these years i have lived as i felt best and worked hard focussing on my own aims.I guess that its high time i distance myself from so called friends and aquaintances for whom i've done so much and got nothing in return.

{I've paused while typing this and asking myself---whats the matter with you? whats gone wrong? whys life so burdened? why are you cross with your own self?-----no answer}

Good lord can someone answer my questions.Can someone understand me.I know i can't undo the past (i wish i could), but.............

"Perhaps my best years are gone. When there was a chance of happiness. But I wouldn't want them back. Not with the fire in me now. No, I wouldn't want them back".....Samuel Beckett